Dr. Kelso: Hello, I'm Dr. Kelso, I'm delighted that you came So the doctors say you fainted, and you don't know what's to blame Well, put your mind at ease, there's no ill we can't outsmart On behalf of all who work here...
All: Welcome to Sacred Heart!
J.D.: Our facilities are excellent! You couldn't ask for more Janitor: As long as you avoid the bathrooms on the second floor
Dr. Kelso: This is Dr. Cox, I'll be giving him your chart Dr. Cox: And that's Dr. Kelso -- the kiss-ass of Sacred Heart!
Turk: You say you burned your hand real bad -- we'll fix you up with gauze Elliot: Perhaps you need your fat sucked out -- or want a smaller schnoz! J.D.: Hey!
Dr. Kelso: You caught an S.T.D. from some tasty little tart?
All: We swear We won't judge you here at Sacred... Here at Sacred... Here at Sacred Heart!
Dr. Kelso: One more thing that I should mention, if what I've heard is true And everyone appears to be singing to you....
All: Ahh, Ahhh! Ahh, Ahhh! Ahh, Ahhh! Ahh, Ahhh!
Dr. Kelso: Your case is very serious! And we'd better start!
All: 'Cause if you think we're singing, you belong at Sacred Heart! Doctors! Nurses! Patients! Dead guys! Welcome to Sacred Heart!
J.D.: Dr. Cox, huge news! I pulled some strings and got the parking spot right behind yours! Bumper buddies!
Dr. Cox: Still, you're not ne-he-hearly as bad as her Do you know how much you annoy me? (Spoken) The answer is a lot Should I list the reasons why? Well, I don't see why not
It's your hair, your nose, your chinless face You always need a hug Not to mention all the manly appletinis that you chug That you think I am your mentor just continues to perplex And, oh my God, stop telling me when you have nerdy sex!
J.D. (spoken): Oh, by the way, last time Kim was in town, we got some appletinis and poured 'em on her good parts!
Dr. Cox: See now, Newbie, that's the thing you do that drives me up a tree 'Cause no matter how I rant at you, you never let me be! So I'm stuck with all your daydreaming, your wish to be my son It makes me suicidal and I'm not the only one No, I'm not the only one
Janitor: It all started with a penny in the door There was a hatred I had never felt before So now I'll make him pay, each and every day Until that moussed-haired little nuisance...is...no...more
Dr. Cox: So now that is why I call you names like Carol, Jane, and Sue Like Moesha, Kim, and Lillian, Suzanne and Betty-Lou See, regardless of the names I pick, my feelings are quite clear You're a pain in every day of every month of every year!
Patti: Dr. Cox, you gotta help me, 'cause I really am distressed! Can't you find another option, won't you run another test?
Dr. Cox: If you want some kind of favor, really any kind of favor Please just get me peace and quiet from this God-forsaken pest!
J.D. (spoken): I think what my bumper-buddy is trying to say...
Patti: Shut your cake-hole, Mary-Beth, or I swear to God I'll shut it soon!
Dr. Cox: Congratulations, we'll schedule your test this afternoon
J.D.: I'm sure you must be scared Not knowing what this test will bring It could prove that you are crazy Do you still hear people sing?
It's best to know the truth Of that I have no doubt But you'll have to face the future.... When the truth comes out!
Dr. Cox: We are running a test that's a waste of our time But at least she'll accept that she's medically fine She'll admit that she's nuts, or I'll have to say "snore!" Just give her the CAT-scan, and show her the door
J.D.: While we process your results We'll take you back to wait
Turk: We've got drugs to calm you down So you don't stress about your fate
J.D. & Turk: It's best to know the truth Of that we have no doubt But you'll have to face the future....
All: You'll have to face the future....
J.D. & Turk: When the truth comes out!
Carla: You're gonna miss it, Carla You're gonna miss it 'round here Gonna hurt him badly But you can't stay away for one whole year
Patti: I know that I'm not crazy
J.D.: Everything comes down to poo!
Patti: I hope that I'm not crazy
J.D.: When we move, I'm gonna have my own private loo!
Patti: Oh, no!
Elliot: How'm I supposed to tell him that he's not moving, too?
Patti: Oh, my God!
Elliot: He doesn't have a clue!
Patti: I'm crazy!
Dr. Kelso: If you'd like to reconsider I'd be glad to do my part If you want, your job is open Come on back to Sacred Heart!
Radiologist (spoken): Look at the temporal lobe. That could be why she's hearing music. Dr. Cox (spoken): It's the biggest aneurysm I've ever seen. The woman's a time-bomb.
All: Sometimes you're better off not knowing But this isn't one of those times Your world's become a musical And your doctors speak in rhymes! It's best to know the truth Of that we have no doubt But you'll have to face the future....
Carla: How can I tell him? Elliot: How can I tell him? Dr. Cox: How can I tell her?
All: You'll have to face the future When the truth comes out!
Patti: So, Dr. Cox, is it serious? Oh.
All: Ahhh.... Ahhh.... Ahhh.... When the truth comes out!
Patti: What's going to happen? What does the future hold? So many things that I put off Assuming I'd have time, assuming I'd grow old What's going to happen? And will I be alive tomorrow? What's going to happen...to me?
Dr. Cox: You're going to be okay
All: That's what's going to happen Everything's okay We're right here beside you We won't let you slip away Plan for tomorrow 'Cause we swear to you You're going to be okay
Patti: I'm going to be okay
All: That's what's going to happen
Patti: Everything's okay
All: Everything's okay We will never leave you Right here we will stay (Plan for tomorrow) Plan for tomorrow 'Cause we swear to you You're going to be okay